Episode 13 – The Music Awards: Part 1

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Deidre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee

Another Jem show, another competition. Can’t we just stop with the competitions? I want more drama involving this Jem/Jerrica/Rio love triangle, or the dating life of Kimber, and seeing who else turns down Pizzazz or Roxy. There is a music awards show happening in a couple of weeks, the HotRock Music Awards, and JATH and The Misfits are in the category of Top New Rock Group. Super glad I had this show to educate me that music is always about winning prizes, modelling and charity concerts instead of being about about writing, recording, performing, bitching on your competition in the press and bringing out your own vodka drinks.

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The Misfits – sulking and posing. also WTH is going on with Roxy’s outfit? It’s like a junkie vomited colour on that jacket.

Deirdre is one of the Starlight foster girls, who wants to be a hologram. She listens to Jem constantly and practices guitar and tries her best to get Jem or Jerrica or anyone to hear her musical talents. I’m not trying to parent shame here but JATH don’t appear to spend much time ever with their foster girls and they’re kind of left to their own devices. and when they do want a bit of time they’re told that more important things come first. This is supposed to be a haven for young girls who have already been through shit and now have to enter the hell of adolescence. Also, you can clearly hear that her voice that Deidre is voiced by the same actress as Pizzazz, just a little less angry sounding.

Speaking of Pizzazz, she, Eric and the rest of The Misfits are sulking over their loss of Starlight Music and a contract. Without a music company to promote them, Eric tells them they can forget about the award. So, as she did with the movie studio, Pizzazz goes to her dad to convince him to buy a record company. To get her to shut up and piss off, he agrees.

Eric and The Misfits set up Misfits Music right opposite Starlight Music, and to rub it in Jerrica’s face, they have a trashy animated sign plonked on the top of the building. Jerrica’s response is typically OTT: “Oh no, it’s my worst nightmare come true”. Oh, cry me a fucking river Jerrica.

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Pizzazz on Techrat “Eric, where’d you find this weirdo?”

This episode would probably be a total snoozefest were it not for the fact that it introduces one of my favourite secondary characters. Eric is talking to a mysterious figure via walkie talkie who kind of sounds like Zipper. Except when he goes down to the car park he’s met by a suited figure with the fugliest haircut – Techrat. As well as being a genius, he also extremely socially awkward, not wanting to be touched at all. And his voice really just has to be heard to be believed. It’s just so super creepy. But at last an interesting side character! Rio sucks in comparison to this guy.

Techrat has built a jamming device, and Eric wants him to test it on Synergy. In Episode 5, Eric found out about Synergy, but at this point, Eric doesn’t know what Synergy is or does exactly, or even that she’s called Synergy, but he just knows that it’s somehow central to Jem and The Holograms. Well if there’s an opportunity to fuck shit up, the Misfits want to tag along too and I think they secretly like pushing Techrat. I mean, it is pretty entertaining when he freaks out.

episode13_3JATH need to rehearse as much as possible to get in with a chance of winning this award and Jem suggests that they could really use more of Synergy to create trippy, psychedelic amazing light shows to give them a competitive edge. If I were them, I’d reconsider using Synergy to do any more than she already does, I mean, she breaks almost every episode, at any kind of electrical interference. Also, once Techrat turns on the jammer, Synergy starts going berserk and tries to laser JATH to death. So yeah, I don’t know that I would unleash her talents on an audience, awesome as the idea of a trippy, psychedelic bloodbath might seem.

Pizzazz is bored and irritated that she doesn’t get to play with the toy as well and tries snatching it from Techrat, which causes it to drop to the ground and break. Techrat has a near nervous breakdown and Pizzazz pretty much voices what we’re all thinking: “Eric where’d you find this weirdo?”.

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Wow, nice legwarmers Danse! So fetch!

After nearly getting cut in half by Synergy (now what a show THAT would make) JATH meet up with Video, who has found a dancer Giselle Dvorak, who has the mind-blowingly imaginative and original stage name of Danse. I’m guessing she spent somewhat less time on thinking up that than on her gnarly-looking hair extensions. In return for dancing for JATH, Danse asks JATH to help out with her benefit for her own foster home, Haven House for teenage runaways.

Deirdre has become sick of being ignored by Jem, Jerrica and the rest of the Holograms. She runs away, with Ba-Nee and Chrissy in tow and heads to The Misfits to see if she will be more appreciated there. Jesus, episode 13 and already we’re recycling storylines, we had this boring shit with Ashley! Pizzazz is more than happy to take advantage of the Starlight girls, and she’s particularly gleeful to report Jerrica to Child Protection Services that some of their girls have been mistreated and have run away.

JATH find out that the music awards and the benefit for Haven House are on the same date and have to break their commitment to Danse, but after realising that Deirdre was so upset that she ran away, they decide instead to shun the music awards instead and hope that by playing the benefit, Deirdre and the girls will see how much they mean to them. Apparently in Jem Universe, if your heart is in the right place, it doesn’t matter what you do, even if it sounds really warped!

episode13_6In a side plot, we see an unnamed boy being kicked out by his father. He ends up at the Misfits concert and steals a ticket, running past the queue to get in and starts climbing the scaffolding. Meanwhile Deirdre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee are taken along to the Misfits concert and they also start climbing up scaffolding to get a better view of the Misfits’ performance. Which seems like a good idea until Chrissy slips off…

To be continued in Episode 14 – The Music Awards: Part 2!

Songs

  • She Makes An Impression – JATH
  • When It’s Only Me And The Music – JATH
  • I Am A Giant – The Misfits

Episode 8 – Starbright Part 3: Rising Star

 

episode8_jeff_kimberLast episode, Roxy tried to seriously maim Kimber by setting off a pyrotechnic display while she was filming a scene. Jeff, the stunt guy, races in to rescue her. This is sort of setting a worrying trend in the Jem series. Even though there are so many female characters with their own identities, if ever one of them is in mortal danger, it takes a man to come in and rescue them. It’s only Episode 8 though, so hopefully that’ll change later on. My memory is quite patchy, but I think there are some later episodes where Jem and the Holograms help out The Misfits.

Jem tries to get Roxy to admit to screwing with the pyrotechnics, but of course Roxy is not going to admit to attempted endangerment of life, or whatever the charge would be. So Jem quits, and everyone else quits too. Except for this gossipy make up lady who insists everyone is making a big mistake.

But now they don’t have money for Ba-Nee’s eye operation. Well, we all know how big-hearted movie studios can be, so they offer to work for free just to pull off the Jem movie.

Clash goes to find her cousin Video to find out about the movie Jem is now making. Clash actually seems quite pleased to report back Video’s message to The Misfits that “Jem and the Holograms are going to make you look like the phony trash you are”.

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The Misfits then get the gossipy make up lady to make over Clash to look completely different, so that she’ll be able to cause trouble on the set of the Jem movie. She manages to just waltz in by using the excuse that she’s a “friend of a friend of Jem’s”. If only that worked, then I’d probably just wander over to the next movie Chris Pine shoots. Meanwhile, on the shooting of their own movie, things are going predictably badly for the Misfits. Nick Mann quits, followed by gossipy make up lady, the costume designer and the set dresser.

episode8_clashGossipy make up lady goes to see Jem and admits she listened to horrid gossip from Pizzazz instead of making her owns judgments. While she’s there, she sees Clash, who has been secretly stealing things from the set. Jem and the Holograms chase Clash and the car full of stolen stuff in the roadster and use Synergy to create the illusion of a fallen tree in the road to make Clash stop.

As Jem is no longer of the set of Eric’s movie, they can now go public about the accident that occurred on set. Safety officials visit the set of the Misfits movie and shut down production. Pizzazz’s dad goes berserk at the amount of money lost and puts Howard Sands back in charge of the studio. Ok, now all that needs to happen so that everything is right in the world is Ba-Nee’s eye operation has to be successful, Nick Mann needs to get his comeuppance, the Jem movie has to be successful, and the Misfits movie has to fail miserably. Hmm, does everything go smoothly? Also, do bears shit in the wood and is the Pope catholic?

Songs:

  • People Who Care – Jem and the Holograms
  • Welcome to the Jungle (sadly not a G ‘n R cover, that could have been amazing!) The Misfits

Read the next episode summary The World Hunger Shindig!

Episode 7 – Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars

 

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Jerrica, Joanie and the girls at Starlight Music

I really look forward to when I can write a post that doesn’t recap from a cliffhanger last episode.

Jerrica/Jem finally lost her shit with Eric Raymond and the Misfits on the set of the movie – which was probably likely to be Truly Shite instead of Truly Outrageous. I mean has a movie featuring a band as themselves ever been good? Yes, you know I’m thinking of Spiceworld: The Movie. Which ok, no, I didn’t actually see, but 20 seconds of it convinced me I didn’t need to put myself through the whole thing.

But then Jerrica found out that Ba-Nee, one of the Starlight House foster girls, needed an eye operation because at the rate she is going, she’ll be blind. Luckily there’s a highly experimental laser surgery option – costing $250,000.

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“Jerrica, I want at least 2 grams of coke this time. Also, I want that hooker’s body cleared out of my room ASAP. K thanks.”

The girls remember that they have Starlight Music but when they visit the building, everything has been stripped out by debt collectors. Joanie, the one member of staff left, has a really weird accent that I’m thinking is supposed to be Irish, but doesn’t quite come off as authentic.

Let’s pause for a second. Even though Jerrica actually owned half of Starlight Music in the first place, she seemed content to let Eric do whatever he pleased with it while she dressed up in costumes and had band practice and whatever else; and even though she hates Eric Raymond and doesn’t trust him at all, she didn’t monitor what he was doing, when actually, she should have been all over that.

Jerrica realizes that she has to go grovelling back to Eric to finish the movie in order to raise the money needed. But Eric throws in a sneaky catch that forces Jerrica to also act as his assistant, so we know we are going to be truly outrageously entertained seeing how Jerrica can act as Jem in the movie and also be herself and get Eric coffee, or pills, or whatever silly demands he makes.

jem_fall_starbrightpart2Eric tells Jem she has to pay for her own stunt double, so she decides to do the stunts herself. When she’s running across some log that’s supposed to be stretched over a ravine, it breaks in half. Yes, breaks in half. The movie set is that that fragile. Rio swings in on some fake vines to save the day, and when Jem comments he’s a “real-life swashbuckler” he says “only for you, Jem”. I threw up a little in my mouth while watching this.

Video was recording the near-accident the whole time and Clash and the Misfits realize that the movie could be in big trouble. You have to hand it to Jem though, she wants the movie to go ahead so she can get the money for Ba-Nee.

videovivianmontgomery_starbrightpart2Meanwhile, Kimber wakes up to the fact that Nick Mann is a complete douche. She has to film a motorbike scene with him and sees him be super rude to an impressionable, young teenage fan. So instead she goes to flirt with Jeff Wright, the stunt guy. Roxy also likes the stunt guy so to pay him back for ignoring her in favour of Kimber, she messes with the pyrotechnics display as Kimber is filming, which is borderline psychotic. Kimber screams at Nick to help her, but in true douche fashion he runs off to save himself. Cliffhanger time!

Read the next episode summary Starbright Part 3: Rising Star!

Episode 6 – Starbright Part 1: Falling Star

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Last episode, Jem and the Holograms won the Battle of the Bands to keep the mansion as their foster home, and a movie contract. Now Mr Sands the movie producer is holding a huge, fancy party for them to celebrate. At least that’s what the recap at the beginning says, but I’m confused because actually it seems like Mr Sands is doing screw all, and Jerrica is throwing the party and because she doesn’t have the money to hire proper staff, the girls from Starlight Mansion are helping out with food and serving. On top of that, she has to keep changing from Jerrica into Jem all the time.

jerrica&rioRio takes Jerrica away from the party, telling her she needs to chillax. Again Jerrica tries to get Rio’s opinion on Jem and Rio says “She makes the air sizzle, like some bright and dazzling dream”. Dude, that’s your girlfriend you’re talking to! Then he says he likes Jerrica because she’s so dependable and comfortable to be with. In other words ‘you’re boring as fuck’. I can’t really sympathize that much with Jerrica though, she’s brought it on herself.

pizzazztantrumRoxy and Stormer find out that Pizzazz and her family are actually Richie Rich style loaded. Pizzazz is still SO sour about not winning, and Roxy says that if she were so flush with cash, she’d make her own movie. Pizzazz sucks up to her dad and tells him to buy the movie studio (and have Eric run it). Jem and the girls show up to find the movie studio has been sold, the script changed, Eric running the show and The Misfits now in the movie. Eric announces that this movie will make the Misfits the hottest stars in Hollywood, but he announces it with such over the top menace, it’s like a Bond villain times a million. In general Eric rages around the set as though he’s Azealia Banks on Twitter.

ClashA character called Vivian (or Video as she’s known most of the time, because people having normal names is just weird in Jem universe) is filming a documentary about Jem. But there’s also her troublemaking cousin called Clash who has these monkey cymbals attached to each wrist. She fawns all over The Misfits and is basically a dumb, irritating nuisance. The director tries to order Clash off set, but ends up walking off himself after an argument with Eric. At which point Eric says he’ll direct the movie himself. Having recently read the amazing ‘The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room’ by Greg Sestero, I can see shades of Tommy Wiseau in Eric-as-director here.

nickmannJeff Wright, the stunt guy on the movie tries hitting on Kimber, but she’s more interested in Nick Mann, a massive walking penis who looks like a big, dumb, boring Ken doll. He absolutely loves himself and is all about Jem, pissing off both Kimber and Rio. Rio tries punching him after Jem and Nick film a kissing scene. Jesus, Jem sure know how to pick ’em!

Reporters cogaborsandsme to the set and are all up in Jem’s business, straight out asking her if she’s banging her leading man. Eric goes to talk to Kimber. Whenever he has a one-on-one conversation with her, he’s so slimy! He sees how much she likes Nick, and offers her her own scene with him.

Mr Sands approaches Pizzazz’s father to complain but Mr Gabor is more interested in keeping his daughter out of his hair no matter how much money it costs him. It always seems to be that bad behaviour from women can be explained by having a lack of a father figure

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Catfight!

Jem reaches the end of her tether when the Holograms song is cut for a song by the Misfits. There’s a hilariously campy squabble between Pizzazz and Jem, in which Jem says “You’re a falling star!” Is that really supposed to be insulting? Playground comments are typically more vicious than that. Jem finally quits after this, which is probably a good decision seeing as though one of the reporters pointed out to Eric that he’s never directed a film.

Unfortunately for Jerrica though, one of the Starlight Mansion orphans has a degenerative eye condition that needs to be treated. Where oh where is she possibly going to get the cash from…?

Read the next episode summary Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars!