Episode 8 – Starbright Part 3: Rising Star

 

episode8_jeff_kimberLast episode, Roxy tried to seriously maim Kimber by setting off a pyrotechnic display while she was filming a scene. Jeff, the stunt guy, races in to rescue her. This is sort of setting a worrying trend in the Jem series. Even though there are so many female characters with their own identities, if ever one of them is in mortal danger, it takes a man to come in and rescue them. It’s only Episode 8 though, so hopefully that’ll change later on. My memory is quite patchy, but I think there are some later episodes where Jem and the Holograms help out The Misfits.

Jem tries to get Roxy to admit to screwing with the pyrotechnics, but of course Roxy is not going to admit to attempted endangerment of life, or whatever the charge would be. So Jem quits, and everyone else quits too. Except for this gossipy make up lady who insists everyone is making a big mistake.

But now they don’t have money for Ba-Nee’s eye operation. Well, we all know how big-hearted movie studios can be, so they offer to work for free just to pull off the Jem movie.

Clash goes to find her cousin Video to find out about the movie Jem is now making. Clash actually seems quite pleased to report back Video’s message to The Misfits that “Jem and the Holograms are going to make you look like the phony trash you are”.

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The Misfits then get the gossipy make up lady to make over Clash to look completely different, so that she’ll be able to cause trouble on the set of the Jem movie. She manages to just waltz in by using the excuse that she’s a “friend of a friend of Jem’s”. If only that worked, then I’d probably just wander over to the next movie Chris Pine shoots. Meanwhile, on the shooting of their own movie, things are going predictably badly for the Misfits. Nick Mann quits, followed by gossipy make up lady, the costume designer and the set dresser.

episode8_clashGossipy make up lady goes to see Jem and admits she listened to horrid gossip from Pizzazz instead of making her owns judgments. While she’s there, she sees Clash, who has been secretly stealing things from the set. Jem and the Holograms chase Clash and the car full of stolen stuff in the roadster and use Synergy to create the illusion of a fallen tree in the road to make Clash stop.

As Jem is no longer of the set of Eric’s movie, they can now go public about the accident that occurred on set. Safety officials visit the set of the Misfits movie and shut down production. Pizzazz’s dad goes berserk at the amount of money lost and puts Howard Sands back in charge of the studio. Ok, now all that needs to happen so that everything is right in the world is Ba-Nee’s eye operation has to be successful, Nick Mann needs to get his comeuppance, the Jem movie has to be successful, and the Misfits movie has to fail miserably. Hmm, does everything go smoothly? Also, do bears shit in the wood and is the Pope catholic?

Songs:

  • People Who Care – Jem and the Holograms
  • Welcome to the Jungle (sadly not a G ‘n R cover, that could have been amazing!) The Misfits

Read the next episode summary The World Hunger Shindig!

Episode 6 – Starbright Part 1: Falling Star

jerricaparty

Last episode, Jem and the Holograms won the Battle of the Bands to keep the mansion as their foster home, and a movie contract. Now Mr Sands the movie producer is holding a huge, fancy party for them to celebrate. At least that’s what the recap at the beginning says, but I’m confused because actually it seems like Mr Sands is doing screw all, and Jerrica is throwing the party and because she doesn’t have the money to hire proper staff, the girls from Starlight Mansion are helping out with food and serving. On top of that, she has to keep changing from Jerrica into Jem all the time.

jerrica&rioRio takes Jerrica away from the party, telling her she needs to chillax. Again Jerrica tries to get Rio’s opinion on Jem and Rio says “She makes the air sizzle, like some bright and dazzling dream”. Dude, that’s your girlfriend you’re talking to! Then he says he likes Jerrica because she’s so dependable and comfortable to be with. In other words ‘you’re boring as fuck’. I can’t really sympathize that much with Jerrica though, she’s brought it on herself.

pizzazztantrumRoxy and Stormer find out that Pizzazz and her family are actually Richie Rich style loaded. Pizzazz is still SO sour about not winning, and Roxy says that if she were so flush with cash, she’d make her own movie. Pizzazz sucks up to her dad and tells him to buy the movie studio (and have Eric run it). Jem and the girls show up to find the movie studio has been sold, the script changed, Eric running the show and The Misfits now in the movie. Eric announces that this movie will make the Misfits the hottest stars in Hollywood, but he announces it with such over the top menace, it’s like a Bond villain times a million. In general Eric rages around the set as though he’s Azealia Banks on Twitter.

ClashA character called Vivian (or Video as she’s known most of the time, because people having normal names is just weird in Jem universe) is filming a documentary about Jem. But there’s also her troublemaking cousin called Clash who has these monkey cymbals attached to each wrist. She fawns all over The Misfits and is basically a dumb, irritating nuisance. The director tries to order Clash off set, but ends up walking off himself after an argument with Eric. At which point Eric says he’ll direct the movie himself. Having recently read the amazing ‘The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room’ by Greg Sestero, I can see shades of Tommy Wiseau in Eric-as-director here.

nickmannJeff Wright, the stunt guy on the movie tries hitting on Kimber, but she’s more interested in Nick Mann, a massive walking penis who looks like a big, dumb, boring Ken doll. He absolutely loves himself and is all about Jem, pissing off both Kimber and Rio. Rio tries punching him after Jem and Nick film a kissing scene. Jesus, Jem sure know how to pick ’em!

Reporters cogaborsandsme to the set and are all up in Jem’s business, straight out asking her if she’s banging her leading man. Eric goes to talk to Kimber. Whenever he has a one-on-one conversation with her, he’s so slimy! He sees how much she likes Nick, and offers her her own scene with him.

Mr Sands approaches Pizzazz’s father to complain but Mr Gabor is more interested in keeping his daughter out of his hair no matter how much money it costs him. It always seems to be that bad behaviour from women can be explained by having a lack of a father figure

jempizzazzcatfight

Catfight!

Jem reaches the end of her tether when the Holograms song is cut for a song by the Misfits. There’s a hilariously campy squabble between Pizzazz and Jem, in which Jem says “You’re a falling star!” Is that really supposed to be insulting? Playground comments are typically more vicious than that. Jem finally quits after this, which is probably a good decision seeing as though one of the reporters pointed out to Eric that he’s never directed a film.

Unfortunately for Jerrica though, one of the Starlight Mansion orphans has a degenerative eye condition that needs to be treated. Where oh where is she possibly going to get the cash from…?

Read the next episode summary Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars!

Episode 2 – Disaster

Quick recap – At the end of Episode 1, Eric Raymond sent a henchman to go and put the frighteners on Jerrica, which startles Kimber into dropping an oil lamp, and Starlight House is burnt to the ground.

But wait! Also last episode, there was the convenient mention of a contest to see which band could win a studio contract and a mansion, and Jerrica announces that there’s a house “just waiting for us”. Uhh, isn’t she a little over confident, I mean, how have the group managed to find time to come up with songs, and to practice playing together? Do you really just launch into it like that?

So anyway, they decide to go to the movie producers house an just put on a concert on his front lawn, at what seems to be about 8am in the morning. Yes, solid plan.

the misfits jem and the holograms episode 2Pizzazz and the Misfits come over to ogle the damage to the house – wow, real nice – and also to have some fun tailgating the Holograms in their van. It’s often fun to watch Pizzazz being an unrepentant bitch. When Stormer announces “they’ve seen us!” Pizzaz is all like, “Good, I could use some action”. Haha!

Luckily though, Jerrica has her new secret weapon – Synergy – who can throw the Misfits off their trail. Synergy disguises them as a big trash bin, but the Misfits spot Rio and start following him instead. They follow him to Mr Sands house where Jem and the Holograms launch into “Like a Dream”. Not one of my favourite songs, but it’s ok.

Afterwards they ask Mr Sands if they can use the mansion until the contest has been decided, and he takes pity on them. But the Misfits are just itching for a punch up. Pizzazz pushes Mr Sands into the pool, Roxy hops onto a bulldozer that just happens to be lying around, and then loses control of it, sending it heading straight for Jerrica. Rio swoops in and saves Jerrica.

Instead of cancelling the contest because the Misfits are clearly deranged, Mr Sands tells Jerrica that she and the girls can live there, but IF the Misfits win the competition, they’re out! At least Eric Raymond has the good sense to tell Pizzazz and the gang that they need to stop acting like complete dicks. But hold on, Eric then hires his goon to try and blow up the mansion. Talk about pots and kettles.

Mr Sands has some French or European countess or whatever also wander over to the house and invite the band to her yacht party. The Misfits try to get themselves invited but of course get snubbed.

Romance time! The girls meet Lin-Z Pierce, host of a popular music show who introduces the group to Anthony Julian, a video director. He’s black, and it really seems like he gets paired up with Shana, because of course, if there’s a single, hetero man and woman of the same race on a TV show, obviously they’ll get together.

jem and rio episode 2

Jerrica, what the hell are you doing?

Ok, now it starts getting weird. When Rio says he wishes Jerrica were there, Jerrica (as Jem) starts coming on to Rio, and asking if he likes her. In fact, as far as I know, it is never really explained why Jerrica has to keep it a secret that she’s Jem at all. Is Jerrica using her Jem identity to test if Rio is faithful or not? What’s going to happen if the public find out she’s Jem? Who gives a shit?

yacht party jem and the holograms episode 2

 

The Misfits just can’t deal with rejection, and so crash the party anyway, which gives them the perfect pretense to launch into the song ‘Makin’ Mischief’. They wander into the bridge of the yacht where Roxy goads Pizzazz into driving the boat. Naturally, Pizzazz can’t drive for shit, which means another cliffhanger ending as the yacht goes on a collision course for an oil tanker….

Read the next episode summary Kimber’s Rebellion.