Watch Jem – Starbright Part 1 here.
So last episode, Jem and the Holograms won the Battle of the Bands to keep the mansion as their foster home, and a movie contract. Now Mr Sands the movie producer is holding a huge, fancy party for them to celebrate. At least that’s what the recap at the beginning says, but I’m confused because actually it seems like Mr Sands is doing screw all, and Jerrica is throwing the party and because she doesn’t have the money to hire proper staff, the girls from Starlight Mansion are helping out with food and serving. On top of that, she has to keep changing from Jerrica into Jem all the time.
Rio takes Jerrica away from the party, telling her she needs to chillax. Again Jerrica tries to get Rio’s opinion on Jem and Rio says “She makes the air sizzle, like some bright and dazzling dream”. Dude, that’s your girlfriend you’re talking to! Then he says he likes Jerrica because she’s so dependable and comfortable to be with. In other words ‘you’re boring as fuck’. I can’t really sympathize that much with Jerrica though, she’s brought it on herself.
We (and Roxy and Stormer) find out that Pizzazz and her family are actually Richie Rich style loaded. Pizzazz is still SO sour about not winning, and Roxy says that if she were so flush with cash, she’d make her own movie. So Pizzazz sucks up to her dad and tells him to buy the movie studio (and have Eric run it). Jem and the girls show up to find the movie studio has been sold, the script changed, Eric running the show and The Misfits now in the movie. Eric announces that this movie will make the Misfits the hottest stars in Hollywood, but he announces it with such over the top menace, it’s like a Bond villain times a million. In general Eric rages around the set as though he’s Azealia Banks on Twitter.
A character called Vivian (or Video as she’s known most of the time, because people having normal names is just weird in Jem universe) is also filming a documentary about Jem. But there’s also her troublemaking cousin called Clash who has these monkey cymbals attached to each wrist. She fawns all over The Misfits and is basically a dumb, irritating nuisance. The director tries to order her off set, but ends up walking off himself after an argument with Eric. At which point Eric says he’ll direct the movie himself. Having recently read the amazing ‘The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room’ by Greg Sestero, I can see shades of Tommy Wiseau in Eric-as-director here.
Jeff Wright, the stunt guy on the movie tries hitting on Kimber, but she’s more interested in Nick Mann, a massive walking penis who looks like a big, dumb, boring Ken doll. He absolutely loves himself and is all about Jem, pissing off both Kimber and Rio. Rio tries punching him after Jem and Nick film a kissing scene. Jesus, Jem sure know how to pick ’em!
Reporters come to the set and are all up in Jem’s business, straight out asking her if she’s banging her leading man. Eric is still sliming all over Kimber, and seeing how much she likes Nick, offers her her own scene with him.
Mr Sands approaches Pizzazz’s father but he’s more interested in keeping his daughter out of his hair no matter how much money it costs him. It always seems to be that bad behaviour from women can be explained by having a lack of a father figure
Jem reaches the end of her tether when the Holograms song is cut for a song by the Misfits. There’s a hilariously campy squabble between Pizzazz and Jem, in which Jem says “You’re a falling star!” Is that really supposed to be insulting? Playground comments are typically more vicious than that. Jem finally quits after this, which is probably a good decision seeing as though one of the reporters pointed out to Eric that he’s never directed a film.
Unfortunately for Jerrica though, one of the Starlight Mansion orphans has a degenerative eye condition that needs to be treated. Where oh where is she possibly going to get the cash from…?
Read the next episode summary Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars!