Episode 12 – In Stitches

episode12_3Well I said I couldn’t wait for another episode set in another country so we can see just how we cultivated our culture stereotypes as children, and again, I have not been disappointed. There’s some big fashion contest between music groups from an Italian fashion house headed by Tony Cassini. They’ve already picked bands from loads of other countries, including Japan (dressed in kimono’s), and Australia (dressed like Steve Irwin). They’re now deciding on who to pick from the USA. It’s a choice between the Limp Lizards, The Misfits or JATH. The designer just can’t decide between Misfits and JATH so he’s going to invite them both, natch.

At this point, JATH seem to be the most over-serviced pop group in the world when it comes to designer clothes. As you might remember, the fancy, French Countess Danielle De Voisin from Episode 1 & Episode 2 is a clothes designer and creates fashion for the group. Also there’s Synergy. And now apparently there’s Shana.

Ashley also expresses an interest in designing clothes. It’s a good idea, she might want to start with her own. I mean, no offense to gingers intended, but if you were ginger, would you also wear ginger clothes too? I think not.

episode12_2The Misfits have their own personal, professional designer for their outfits, so they’re not in the slightest bit worried. But just for kicks, Roxy calls Shana at Starlight Mansion and taunts her over the phone. So Mean Girls.

To de-stress Shana, Jerrica and the rest of the girls come in and sing ‘It Depends On The Mood I’m In’. I think this may actually be the first JATH song I’ve heard so far that I actually like. maybe because it really sounds a bit like the Wham! song Everything She Wants.

JATH fly over to Italy. As Jerrica is in the plane bathroom, Synergy has problems with the electrical interference of a storm. Shit, as we saw last episode, even a bear can block Synergy, so it’s a wonder she can even function at all if the girls are out of the city.

episode12_5Venice – cue gondola rides and people saying ‘a’ after every verb. You know, like: “You take-a di chicks, I take-a di luggage”, says one gondola guy. Wait, that voice sounds familiar…. Of course it’s Zipper. Oh and the other gondola guys says “You giving me these bellissima customers? Buongiorno lovely ladies!”. Oh my god, if I thought that UK accents were bad on this show then other accents are just unbearable!

Shana wants to ride along with the luggage and the designs and as the gondola is being rowed out into the water, she discovers it’s Zipper steering the gondola. He grabs the case of designs off her and jumps onto a speed boat driven by Pizzazz. As he jumps into the speedboat, the case he’s carrying knocks into a lever which sends the speedboat out of control, and heading right towards Shana still standing helplessly in the gondola. Oh, she’s fine, she just has to jump into the nasty water.

episode12_6JATH rescue Shana from the water and they arrive at Danielle Du Voisin’s apartment and discover Ashley has stowed away in the one case that was saved, which even as an 8 year old, I would have found ridiculous. I mean the flight going over would have taken at least about 6 hours. I don’t even know why I’m bringing up logic in a show where there’s no logic to the central premise of Jem being a secret identity of Jerrica’s

So anyway, it turns out that Zipper stole Ashley’s designs, not Shana’s. Pizzazz clearly enjoys making fun of Eric having been had. There’s a funny moment where he yells “Silencio!” at the old Italian seamstresses who are also smirking over what an idiot he is. The Misfit’s designer got some kind of toothache, according to Roxy. We know Roxy’s habit of downplaying serious situations, so I’m going to assume that Roxy punched him and he needed to get teeth capped. That means that the Misfits have nothing special designed, and need to make stuff up from scratch, so that’s why they needed Shana’s designs. Also ‘cos they’re evil bitches.

We see Shana working hard through the night to put together the dresses from her designs. If she’s also the seamstress, I don’t get what Danielle Du Voisin is even doing there. Next day, JATH and Ashley go to a shoe store to get shoes after their own accessories were ruined by falling into the water. Who should show up but the Misfits. They simultaneously sing, shop for shoes, and also trash the store.

episode12_7Because Shana is kind of a chump she just left her designs and her outfits lying around the Du Voisin villa for Zipper to come along and steal. Shana is determined to get them back. JATH head to Eric’s villa, and Jem disguises herself as a seamstress to gain entry. Although Pizzazz is impressed with Shana’s clothes, she wants them dyed black instead of the “sissy” colours they’re in. She gives them to Jem who is still in disguise, who then takes them outside and immediately says “Back to Jem, Synergy”. Oh Jerrica, you freaking idiot! As she’s escaping, Eric sees her, and the Misfits chase JATH across Venice. The Misfits catch up with them on a small bridge (not the Rialto though, I’m impressed they didn’t stick that in there somehow), and JATH and the Misfits have a tug of war contest using the clothing. The Misfits tumble backward off the bridge and are dangling from the clothing until it rips in two. Zipper comes along with the speedboat to stop them falling into the water, leaving JATH yelling at them from the bridge.

Synergy has the designs stored in her memory so the girls can still go ahead, but they only need to get to the contest in time. They ask for a gondola ride but they have no cash. They do their best to convince the gondola man they have cash at the destination, but uh uh ladies, he’s not falling for that shizz again, and this is one situation you can’t plead and beg your way out of (like when you stole from a museum). So they start busking so they can raise the money for the fare. Afterwards Tito is all “I am ignorant, forgive me, you have touched the heart of Tito”. Like he has to grovel to them because they’re a famous pop group. Give me a break.

JATH get to the fashion show, the Misfits are wearing Shana’s designs that Zipper had stolen. Shana sees that The Misfits are wearing her designs, she freaks. Jem suggests that she can design something else, with just a few minutes to spare, and Synergy can projects the designs onto them.

episode12_8Pizzazz tries to do some flirting with the judge by seductively rubbing his bald head. Excuse me while I vom. Thinking about it, with all her daddy issues, she may even genuinely find that dude attractive. JATH are finally ready to go on stage, but wouldn’t you just know it – a satellite glitch means Synergy suddenly stops working. Of course she pulls it off just in time, and Jem and The Holograms win, and The Misfits just have to suck it with second place. Not only that but Shana will get two credits and Danielle Du Voisin told Tony Cassini that she was the one who designed what the Misfits were wearing for the concert.

Ok hold it – I get that the Misfits should lose because they do dodgy shit all the time, but Shana won a fashion contest when she had a couple of minutes to design something for them. Plus when you think about it, isn’t it really cheating what she did? The aim was to design something and make and wear the clothes, not to have your handy backup super computer project designs onto you. If The Misfits stole your designs, like they try and do, um, always, shouldn’t you keep a better eye on your work, and oh I don’t know, maybe come up with some backups? If not, it sucks but you could have just got The Misfits disqualified. Either way, it’s not a green light for you to cheat your way to winning – that should be what the Misfits are doing.

As well as this episode being pretty fucking boring, it’s a little bit strange in that it teaches you that if you work hard at what you do, you hard work will always be rewarded with 1st prize, even when there are many people who may be far more naturally talented and who work just as hard as you do. Alternatively there may be people who work hard but are not quite as talented but just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Especially in the entertainment business. God help anyone who ever watched this and thought to themselves “I’m gonna start a pop group!”.

Songs

  • It Depends On The Mood I’m In – JATH
  • Designing Woman- The Misfits
  • Time Is Running Out – JATH