Episode 16 – Broadway Magic

 

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_2Ah this episode takes me back! This was one of the episodes I had on VHS as a kid. I pretty much know the storyline backwards I watched it so many times, but I still wanted to watch it again (though it was not as good as the other episode I had, Britrock).

Bob Merrit is a Broadway producer whose career is at death’s door. He needs a Broadway hit if he is to survive. His eureka moment? The revelation that a Broadway hit needs music – good music! Mind. Blown. So all he needs now is a popular rock music group who can write, sing and perform and apparently have nothing to do.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_7Both The Misfits and Jem and The Holograms find out about this at the same time, and both decide they should be in it. The Misfits also get back to the topic of who Jem is, where she came from, why no one knows her real name. Eric Raymond comes up with an idea to sabotage Jem – offer $100,000 to whoever can find out her real identity.

This creates a press furore and the paparazzi stalk Jem and The Holograms everywhere, plus all kinds of crazies get all up in Jem’s business, trying to get her to reveal her real name.

Both Jem and The Holograms and The Misfits get to tryout for Bob. For some reason, we see Jem and The Holograms and Rio arriving in New York via helicopter, but no Jerrica. Then Jerrica and Rio, and The Holograms rush to the theatre, complaining about being held up in the airport (I’m such a nitpicky biatch, I know). Eric points out to Jerrica that their lead singer is missing so Jerrica goes to ‘find’ her. And no one, including Rio finds it remotely odd that Jem arrived separately and is just be lurking around the theatre somewhere.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_3Roxy tries to mess with the sound booth so that Merrit won’t be able to hear Jem singing, but she screws it up, and sets alarms blaring. She almost manages to catch Jerrica changing into Jem, but turns away at the last second. And then she blames the whole sound screw up on Jem.

After the auditions, Bob Merrit plans to announce the winner live on Lin-Z Pierce’s show. JATH are the winners, surprising exactly no-one. Pizzazz can’t take the humiliation of losing and having the Holograms celebrate in front of her on live national TV, so she simply walks over to the fire hose in the TV studio and starts hosing everyone. Pizzazz kind of reminds me of Grace Jones. I could see her trying that if she got irritated enough.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_4After getting soaked, Bob has a change of heart – sort of. The Misfits can be the understudies, so if anything were to happen to the real stars, they would go on instead. The Misfits seem ok about this, but to me that’s even worse. I mean would anyone have bought tickets to go see Bradley Cooper’s understudy in The Elephant Man? No you go and see the famous stars.

Jerrica and the Holograms ask Synergy for advice, who tells them that they need to keep her a secret because if her technology fell into the wrong hands it could be disastrous. Jerrica catches Rio in her room and assumes he’s spying on her, trying to find out about Jem. She angrily tells him to get out and then goes missing when she’s supposed to be at a rehearsal at the theatre. Real professional Jem.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_9Rio and the Holograms go to look for her in Central Park. It’s taken a long time but finally Rio knows something is up. He finds Jerrica in the park and comes right out and asks her if she and Jem are the same person. Synergy creates a hologram of Jem, who is then chased out of the park by crazies trying to find out her name. Rio apologises to Jerrica, saying he was wrong. I almost feel sorry for him… but then I remember he is a hypocrite who hates liars but knows he’s cheating.

The next bit makes no sense whatsoever. The Misfits brainstorm over how they can ensure that the Holograms don’t show up for the performance. Pizzazz gets Stormer to type a letter from Rio to Jem, asking Jem to meet him in the crown of the Statue of Liberty. Jem goes to meet Rio, and Pizzazz locks her in the crown room and takes the last boat back to Manhattan.jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_10

Jem is now trapped in the Statue of Liberty’s crown. Her only hope is two construction workers still on the island. She throws down one of her earrings and tells Synergy she needs them to help her, so Synergy creates a hologram of jem asking the workers to help her and leads them into the statue. They recognise her, and one of them realises he can force her to tell them her name in exchange for their help.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_11When Jem hears this, she has an idea, and tells them if they take her to the mainland she’ll show them her other face. When they get to the boat (oh also, she doesn’t bother picking her earring up I noticed), the nasty construction worker pushes the other guy out of the boat, not wanting to share the reward money. He then takes Jem back to the mainland, where she shows him her other face… she gets Synergy to make her look and sound like him. He’s so shocked he backs away from her (himself) and falls into the water, where she throws him a swim ring and races to Broadway.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_13So as if that wasn’t ridiculous enough, we’ve got more: ‘Deep breath’… she manages to get a cab immediately – in New York, for god’s sake – and it just so happens to be the same cabbie that picked her up from the airport before. They get stuck because there’s some kind of Chinese New Year street parade going on, so Jem gets out and borrows some kid’s skateboard, promising him tickets to her new show. She then skateboards downs the steps into the subway, throwing her token at a subway worker, and then leaping from skateboard, over the subway barrier, and lands again on the skateboard, skating into the subway train. She’s chased out by crazies/fans, runs into a building having a hang glider convention on the top floor, steals someone’s hang glider (admitting to him that she has no idea how to fly a hang glider) and finds her way to the theatre, landing on the roof. Synergy changes her costume for her and is ready to go on stage. Oh and all while wearing hot pink high heels.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_12I seriously love it when Jem is so balls to the wall out there like this, this is how it should be every week!

Songs

  • Who Is She, Anyway? – The Misfits
  • Can’t Get My Love Together – Jem and The Holograms
  • Broadway Magic – Jem and The Holograms

Episode 15 – The Rock Fashion Book

jemandtheholograms_episode15_4Jem and The Holograms are approached by a publishing house who have the idea to create a Rock Fashion Book. I originally thought that maybe Chrissy Marx was inspired by 80’s music artists who also brought out books (i.e. Sex by Madonna; 21 Nights by Prince) until I saw that both of those had been published years after this episode was aired. I can’t think of any other books by artists in the 80’s. Possibly there were others, but maybe Marx was ahead of the curve. Anyway, JATH will be wearing Shana’s designs in the book. There’s a tired bit where Jerrica has to go and ‘find’ Jem to talk to the publisher, and one minute later Jem then has to ‘find’ Jerrica again.

'Clash' Montgomery - true 'Ride or Die' Bitch

Pizzazz with ‘Clash’ Montgomery – a true ‘Ride or Die’ Bitch

The Misfits get word of this book happening and they are not happy. They get their faithful homegirl Clash to go and spy on Jem, and if necessary, create havoc.

The fashion shoot is taking place at someplace like SeaWorld with dolphins and killer whales. Remember in the 80’s when some of us thought SeaWorld was way cool, and not really a torture facility for highly emotionally intelligent creatures? That thought made me die a little inside. There’s a particularly lame joke from Shana after Jem says “Steady holograms, remember these are Killer Whales” – “That’s ok we’re wearing ‘killer’ outfits!”….. Heh.

jemandthehologramsepisode15_2Things are getting a little bit tense within JATH, because a little bit of elbow shoving by Kimber to get to feed the dolphins ends with all four girls slipping off the platform into the water. Jem’s earrings can’t cope with water, and she is changed back into Jerrica. Readers, what would you think would be the most important concern at this particular junction in your life? Would it be: A) getting ripped to shreds by a killer whale; B) drowning to death or C) keeping up the illusion of Jem being a totally different person from Jerrica Benton? I’ll give you one guess as to which Jerrica chooses.

Rio and the photographer go in to to rescue Aja, Shana and Kimber but can’t find Jem, because she’s trying to hide from Rio, and the killer whale. The dolphins are let out to find Jem, and they scoop Jerrica up at the last second and bring her to the surface… just in time for Synergy to transform her back into Jem. Everytime Jem has a near-death experience, she drapes herself all over Rio, trying to get herself some. What is it about near-death experiences that makes people in pop-culture so thirsty?

Work it, gurls.

Work it, gurls.

The Misfits meanwhile, are trying to get their own fashion book produced. Except Pizzazz is a biatch who can’t take direction, so she fires the photographer. Afterwards she gets Roxy and Stormer to take photos even though they can probably only just find the big button on the camera. No publishing houses want to take their amateur stuff so it’s on to plan B – getting Clash to wreck the Jem photo shoot.

JATH go to shoot pictures on top of some scaffolding construction in front of the Washington Monument. Clash is lurking around and a security guard in his golf buggy spots her. In his rush to chase her down, he somehow manages to flip the cart over and bang into the scaffolding, which collapses and almost crushes the photographer. After this near disaster, the girls are all suspicious, like “hmmm that’s strange, it’s almost like The Misfits could be behind this.” Huh, ya think Jem? Although to be fair, the first accident had nothing to do with the Misfits and was instead caused by Kimber being a pushy brat.

Bat attack!

Bat attack!

The next shoot is in the Grand Canyons, with Jem and the girls being shot (artistically speaking) from a helicopter. Pizzazz, Roxy and Stormer also make their way there, and position themselves on a ledge under where Jem and the Holograms are shooting. They notice that there appears to be a hollow cave/secret passageway that leads up to where JATH are, and this cave is filled with bats. Pizzazz, Roxy and Stormer disturb the bats and shoo them towards Jem and the Holograms.

Jem and the girls freak the fuck out over this bat situation and start backing towards the edge of the cliff. I know not everyone considers bats cute, but in a game of ‘Which Would You Rather?’, bats beat falling over the edge of a cliff, personally speaking. Rio and the photographers are up above in a helicopter and rescue everyone in time before the cliff collapses.

Under the Misfits control, the new and improved production values of the Jem Fashion Book.

Under the Misfits control, the new and improved production values of the Jem Fashion Book.

After that goes wrong, Pizzazz goes to her father to demand he buy the rights to the Jem and the Hologram fashion book. This way, Pizzazz is able to bark orders at Jem, make sure the pictures are awful, be an ass to everyone, etc. and Jem just has to go along with it because she’s under contract. it occurs to me that Jerrica really is a shitty negotiator. This has happened once before in the Jem Movie episode. You’d think she’d add a clause in that says Jem can get out of it if the rights are transferred to someone else. Didn’t her dad (or that movie experience) teach her anything?

While they are moping about their bad luck, the photographer comes over and he’s in a pretty happy mood about some of the film taken from the Grand Canyon, which clearly shows The Misfits there. Rio, Jem and the Holograms help the photographer to develop the pictures and give them to Pizzazz to take back to her father. The Misfits then realise that they’re going to have to own up to the fact that they attempted to sabotage the photo shoots. Pizzazz tries to plead her way out of it, but her dad is pretty pissed that he’s going to lose money again (just like on the Jem movie).

The original publisher buys back the rights at a reduced price, Jem and The Holograms fashion book is a success, no one learns any lessons to proceed into the future with at all, and Jem continues!

Songs

  • Come On In The Water’s Fine – Jem and The Holograms
  • We’re Off And Running – The Misfits
  • We Can Change It – Jem and The Holograms

Episode 14 – The Music Awards: Part 2

 

chrissy&dannyThis post has been a long time coming, because this episode was seriously boring. But anyway, to recap, Chrissy, Deirdre and Ba-nee had run away from Starlight foster home, and offered their help to the Misfits instead. They were at a Misfits concert and saw another boy climbing the scaffolding to get a better view, so they did the same thing, and Chrissy was about the fall off the scaffolding. Luckily, her bag catches on something and the boy who had also been climbing the scaffolding helps her down. The Starlight girls find out his name is Danny and he’s run away from home too.

mick&dannyMick, the guy who Danny stole his concert ticket from suddenly appears out of nowhere to grab Danny. He wants $50 for the ticket, but Danny doesn’t have any money. The Starlight girls offer their money but Danny tells them it’s his problem. Mick tells Danny he’ll have to earn back the money, and also threatens the girls, telling them that runaways get put in jail, and unless they do as he says he’ll turn them in.

He takes them back to an abandoned school bus (creepy) where his buddy Ramone is, and in conversation with Ramone, it turns out he’s even more of a dick – the concert tickets were stolen by him anyway and he just wants to use the kids to make more money. OK, so usually this show does a good job of presenting people from all different races, and does at least try to give them distinct personalities, but Mick and Ramone as Latino Scarface-wannabes is a little bit stereotype-y. Danny finds out more about the Starlight girls, and when he hears where they’ve run away from he tells them they must be three of the dumbest girls he’s ever met. Ooooh, burn on you girls!

mrsovieskyPizzazz found a neat way to drop Jerrica in shit last episode, reporting her to Child Protection Services and reporting her for mistreatment of the Starlight girls and mentioning that three girls had already run away. CPS worker Mr Soviesky visits Jerrica and the other Starlight girls do some seriously unconvincing lying to cover up the story. My Soviesky gives them until the day of the benefit to prove that the girls are around, or else he’ll recommend Starlight foster home be closed. Sure dude, that’s an effective way to investigate the disappearance and mistreatment of minors.

misfits_techratMeanwhile, the Misfits do some kind of publicity stunt which involves them hand gliding from the roof of their new record company and leaflet bombing people. Pizzazz gives Roxy shit for being afraid of heights. Techrat just throws it out there that Pizzazz has a laser gun that she’s ‘testing’ for him. Even Eric is like “da fuck, why’d you do that, you dumbass?!” Pizzazz uses it to draw a little pencil ‘stache on the poster of Jem on top of the Starlight Music skyscraper, and then damages the sign so much it falls off and through the window of Jerrica’s office. To scare Pizzazz away, Jerrica uses Synergy to projects a hologram of a massive eagle, and I mean massive, like the size of a helicopter. Pizzazz loses control of her hand glide and falls into a pond – ha, noice!

Back to the Starlight girls and Danny. Mick and Ramone tell Danny to go into a store and steal something for them. Chrissy doesn’t want Danny getting into trouble, so she goes to convince him to reconsider. The cops drive by and spot Mick and Ramone – they know already that Mick and Ramone use kids to steal stuff, and go to check out the situation. Mick, Ramone, Danny and the Starlight girls all make a run for it. They run down and alley that is blocked by wooden boxes and a fence, and climb up the boxes to get over.

cop&dannyChrissy, Deirdre and Ba-Nee all make it, but Mick (I don’t know which is which) and Danny are still trying to make it over. One of the cops grabs Danny’s foot which brings the whole pile of wooden boxes tumbling down, onto the cop. Danny is distraught, thinking he may have killed the cop, but he’s fine. The other cop has caught Ramone, and prevents Mick from escaping while his partner recovers, and all is well again in the Jem universe!

At the HotRock Music Awards, some TV presenter with a mic asks Pizzazz if they think they’re going to win and Pizzazz is all “uhh… duh doy biatch!” Even though JATH are out of the running for the Music Awards which means the Misfits are a shoo-in to win (like who else would win? There’s apparently no other bands except the Limp Lizards, and all we know of them is that they suck), Eric still wants JATH’s benefit show to be a disaster. So he gets Techrat to fix the jamming device to use during the benefit. This episode has been such a snooze fest so far, I really hope it works and Synergy tries to laser the whole audience to death. After The Misfits win the award, Pizzazz wants to go to the JATH benefit, so she can shove that award right in Jem’s face like a real winner would do!

danse&dannyDeirdre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee buy lunch for Danny and while they’re chatting about his problems, a waiter who overhears them gives them the number of a helpline to Haven House. After calling and getting the address, they head to Haven House and run into Danse, and she tells them about the benefit with JATH and offers to take them there. At the benefit, Deirdre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee are finally re-united with Jem and tell her they’re sorry, and blah blah whatever, boring.

JATH are about to perform when Techrat uses his jammer. Danny spots Techrat using something suspicious. As he tries to grab it from Techrat, it falls to the ground… and breaks again, meaning the show can go on.

When Pizzazz sees the adoration JATH are getting from the crowd she is dismayed and drops the award to the ground. Because awards are meaningless…. when they aren’t won by Jem and The Holograms, natch.

Up next: Jem and The Holograms love affair with fashion continues in The Rock Fashion Book.

Songs

  • You Oughta See The View From Here – The Misfits
  • Runnin’ Like The Wind – JATH
  • Friend Or Stranger – JATH

Episode 13 – The Music Awards: Part 1

episode13_2

Deidre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee

Another Jem show, another competition. Can’t we just stop with the competitions? I want more drama involving this Jem/Jerrica/Rio love triangle, or the dating life of Kimber, and seeing who else turns down Pizzazz or Roxy. There is a music awards show happening in a couple of weeks, the HotRock Music Awards, and JATH and The Misfits are in the category of Top New Rock Group. Super glad I had this show to educate me that music is always about winning prizes, modelling and charity concerts instead of being about about writing, recording, performing, bitching on your competition in the press and bringing out your own vodka drinks.

episode13

The Misfits – sulking and posing. also WTH is going on with Roxy’s outfit? It’s like a junkie vomited colour on that jacket.

Deirdre is one of the Starlight foster girls, who wants to be a hologram. She listens to Jem constantly and practices guitar and tries her best to get Jem or Jerrica or anyone to hear her musical talents. I’m not trying to parent shame here but JATH don’t appear to spend much time ever with their foster girls and they’re kind of left to their own devices. and when they do want a bit of time they’re told that more important things come first. This is supposed to be a haven for young girls who have already been through shit and now have to enter the hell of adolescence. Also, you can clearly hear that her voice that Deidre is voiced by the same actress as Pizzazz, just a little less angry sounding.

Speaking of Pizzazz, she, Eric and the rest of The Misfits are sulking over their loss of Starlight Music and a contract. Without a music company to promote them, Eric tells them they can forget about the award. So, as she did with the movie studio, Pizzazz goes to her dad to convince him to buy a record company. To get her to shut up and piss off, he agrees.

Eric and The Misfits set up Misfits Music right opposite Starlight Music, and to rub it in Jerrica’s face, they have a trashy animated sign plonked on the top of the building. Jerrica’s response is typically OTT: “Oh no, it’s my worst nightmare come true”. Oh, cry me a fucking river Jerrica.

episode13_4

Pizzazz on Techrat “Eric, where’d you find this weirdo?”

This episode would probably be a total snoozefest were it not for the fact that it introduces one of my favourite secondary characters. Eric is talking to a mysterious figure via walkie talkie who kind of sounds like Zipper. Except when he goes down to the car park he’s met by a suited figure with the fugliest haircut – Techrat. As well as being a genius, he also extremely socially awkward, not wanting to be touched at all. And his voice really just has to be heard to be believed. It’s just so super creepy. But at last an interesting side character! Rio sucks in comparison to this guy.

Techrat has built a jamming device, and Eric wants him to test it on Synergy. In Episode 5, Eric found out about Synergy, but at this point, Eric doesn’t know what Synergy is or does exactly, or even that she’s called Synergy, but he just knows that it’s somehow central to Jem and The Holograms. Well if there’s an opportunity to fuck shit up, the Misfits want to tag along too and I think they secretly like pushing Techrat. I mean, it is pretty entertaining when he freaks out.

episode13_3JATH need to rehearse as much as possible to get in with a chance of winning this award and Jem suggests that they could really use more of Synergy to create trippy, psychedelic amazing light shows to give them a competitive edge. If I were them, I’d reconsider using Synergy to do any more than she already does, I mean, she breaks almost every episode, at any kind of electrical interference. Also, once Techrat turns on the jammer, Synergy starts going berserk and tries to laser JATH to death. So yeah, I don’t know that I would unleash her talents on an audience, awesome as the idea of a trippy, psychedelic bloodbath might seem.

Pizzazz is bored and irritated that she doesn’t get to play with the toy as well and tries snatching it from Techrat, which causes it to drop to the ground and break. Techrat has a near nervous breakdown and Pizzazz pretty much voices what we’re all thinking: “Eric where’d you find this weirdo?”.

episode13_5

Wow, nice legwarmers Danse! So fetch!

After nearly getting cut in half by Synergy (now what a show THAT would make) JATH meet up with Video, who has found a dancer Giselle Dvorak, who has the mind-blowingly imaginative and original stage name of Danse. I’m guessing she spent somewhat less time on thinking up that than on her gnarly-looking hair extensions. In return for dancing for JATH, Danse asks JATH to help out with her benefit for her own foster home, Haven House for teenage runaways.

Deirdre has become sick of being ignored by Jem, Jerrica and the rest of the Holograms. She runs away, with Ba-Nee and Chrissy in tow and heads to The Misfits to see if she will be more appreciated there. Jesus, episode 13 and already we’re recycling storylines, we had this boring shit with Ashley! Pizzazz is more than happy to take advantage of the Starlight girls, and she’s particularly gleeful to report Jerrica to Child Protection Services that some of their girls have been mistreated and have run away.

JATH find out that the music awards and the benefit for Haven House are on the same date and have to break their commitment to Danse, but after realising that Deirdre was so upset that she ran away, they decide instead to shun the music awards instead and hope that by playing the benefit, Deirdre and the girls will see how much they mean to them. Apparently in Jem Universe, if your heart is in the right place, it doesn’t matter what you do, even if it sounds really warped!

episode13_6In a side plot, we see an unnamed boy being kicked out by his father. He ends up at the Misfits concert and steals a ticket, running past the queue to get in and starts climbing the scaffolding. Meanwhile Deirdre, Chrissy and Ba-Nee are taken along to the Misfits concert and they also start climbing up scaffolding to get a better view of the Misfits’ performance. Which seems like a good idea until Chrissy slips off…

To be continued in Episode 14 – The Music Awards: Part 2!

Songs

  • She Makes An Impression – JATH
  • When It’s Only Me And The Music – JATH
  • I Am A Giant – The Misfits

Episode 12 – In Stitches

episode12_3Well I said I couldn’t wait for another episode set in another country so we can see just how we cultivated our culture stereotypes as children, and again, I have not been disappointed. There’s some big fashion contest between music groups from an Italian fashion house headed by Tony Cassini. They’ve already picked bands from loads of other countries, including Japan (dressed in kimono’s), and Australia (dressed like Steve Irwin). They’re now deciding on who to pick from the USA. It’s a choice between the Limp Lizards, The Misfits or JATH. The designer just can’t decide between Misfits and JATH so he’s going to invite them both, natch.

At this point, JATH seem to be the most over-serviced pop group in the world when it comes to designer clothes. As you might remember, the fancy, French Countess Danielle De Voisin from Episode 1 & Episode 2 is a clothes designer and creates fashion for the group. Also there’s Synergy. And now apparently there’s Shana.

Ashley also expresses an interest in designing clothes. It’s a good idea, she might want to start with her own. I mean, no offense to gingers intended, but if you were ginger, would you also wear ginger clothes too? I think not.

episode12_2The Misfits have their own personal, professional designer for their outfits, so they’re not in the slightest bit worried. But just for kicks, Roxy calls Shana at Starlight Mansion and taunts her over the phone. So Mean Girls.

To de-stress Shana, Jerrica and the rest of the girls come in and sing ‘It Depends On The Mood I’m In’. I think this may actually be the first JATH song I’ve heard so far that I actually like. maybe because it really sounds a bit like the Wham! song Everything She Wants.

JATH fly over to Italy. As Jerrica is in the plane bathroom, Synergy has problems with the electrical interference of a storm. Shit, as we saw last episode, even a bear can block Synergy, so it’s a wonder she can even function at all if the girls are out of the city.

episode12_5Venice – cue gondola rides and people saying ‘a’ after every verb. You know, like: “You take-a di chicks, I take-a di luggage”, says one gondola guy. Wait, that voice sounds familiar…. Of course it’s Zipper. Oh and the other gondola guys says “You giving me these bellissima customers? Buongiorno lovely ladies!”. Oh my god, if I thought that UK accents were bad on this show then other accents are just unbearable!

Shana wants to ride along with the luggage and the designs and as the gondola is being rowed out into the water, she discovers it’s Zipper steering the gondola. He grabs the case of designs off her and jumps onto a speed boat driven by Pizzazz. As he jumps into the speedboat, the case he’s carrying knocks into a lever which sends the speedboat out of control, and heading right towards Shana still standing helplessly in the gondola. Oh, she’s fine, she just has to jump into the nasty water.

episode12_6JATH rescue Shana from the water and they arrive at Danielle Du Voisin’s apartment and discover Ashley has stowed away in the one case that was saved, which even as an 8 year old, I would have found ridiculous. I mean the flight going over would have taken at least about 6 hours. I don’t even know why I’m bringing up logic in a show where there’s no logic to the central premise of Jem being a secret identity of Jerrica’s

So anyway, it turns out that Zipper stole Ashley’s designs, not Shana’s. Pizzazz clearly enjoys making fun of Eric having been had. There’s a funny moment where he yells “Silencio!” at the old Italian seamstresses who are also smirking over what an idiot he is. The Misfit’s designer got some kind of toothache, according to Roxy. We know Roxy’s habit of downplaying serious situations, so I’m going to assume that Roxy punched him and he needed to get teeth capped. That means that the Misfits have nothing special designed, and need to make stuff up from scratch, so that’s why they needed Shana’s designs. Also ‘cos they’re evil bitches.

We see Shana working hard through the night to put together the dresses from her designs. If she’s also the seamstress, I don’t get what Danielle Du Voisin is even doing there. Next day, JATH and Ashley go to a shoe store to get shoes after their own accessories were ruined by falling into the water. Who should show up but the Misfits. They simultaneously sing, shop for shoes, and also trash the store.

episode12_7Because Shana is kind of a chump she just left her designs and her outfits lying around the Du Voisin villa for Zipper to come along and steal. Shana is determined to get them back. JATH head to Eric’s villa, and Jem disguises herself as a seamstress to gain entry. Although Pizzazz is impressed with Shana’s clothes, she wants them dyed black instead of the “sissy” colours they’re in. She gives them to Jem who is still in disguise, who then takes them outside and immediately says “Back to Jem, Synergy”. Oh Jerrica, you freaking idiot! As she’s escaping, Eric sees her, and the Misfits chase JATH across Venice. The Misfits catch up with them on a small bridge (not the Rialto though, I’m impressed they didn’t stick that in there somehow), and JATH and the Misfits have a tug of war contest using the clothing. The Misfits tumble backward off the bridge and are dangling from the clothing until it rips in two. Zipper comes along with the speedboat to stop them falling into the water, leaving JATH yelling at them from the bridge.

Synergy has the designs stored in her memory so the girls can still go ahead, but they only need to get to the contest in time. They ask for a gondola ride but they have no cash. They do their best to convince the gondola man they have cash at the destination, but uh uh ladies, he’s not falling for that shizz again, and this is one situation you can’t plead and beg your way out of (like when you stole from a museum). So they start busking so they can raise the money for the fare. Afterwards Tito is all “I am ignorant, forgive me, you have touched the heart of Tito”. Like he has to grovel to them because they’re a famous pop group. Give me a break.

JATH get to the fashion show, the Misfits are wearing Shana’s designs that Zipper had stolen. Shana sees that The Misfits are wearing her designs, she freaks. Jem suggests that she can design something else, with just a few minutes to spare, and Synergy can projects the designs onto them.

episode12_8Pizzazz tries to do some flirting with the judge by seductively rubbing his bald head. Excuse me while I vom. Thinking about it, with all her daddy issues, she may even genuinely find that dude attractive. JATH are finally ready to go on stage, but wouldn’t you just know it – a satellite glitch means Synergy suddenly stops working. Of course she pulls it off just in time, and Jem and The Holograms win, and The Misfits just have to suck it with second place. Not only that but Shana will get two credits and Danielle Du Voisin told Tony Cassini that she was the one who designed what the Misfits were wearing for the concert.

Ok hold it – I get that the Misfits should lose because they do dodgy shit all the time, but Shana won a fashion contest when she had a couple of minutes to design something for them. Plus when you think about it, isn’t it really cheating what she did? The aim was to design something and make and wear the clothes, not to have your handy backup super computer project designs onto you. If The Misfits stole your designs, like they try and do, um, always, shouldn’t you keep a better eye on your work, and oh I don’t know, maybe come up with some backups? If not, it sucks but you could have just got The Misfits disqualified. Either way, it’s not a green light for you to cheat your way to winning – that should be what the Misfits are doing.

As well as this episode being pretty fucking boring, it’s a little bit strange in that it teaches you that if you work hard at what you do, you hard work will always be rewarded with 1st prize, even when there are many people who may be far more naturally talented and who work just as hard as you do. Alternatively there may be people who work hard but are not quite as talented but just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Especially in the entertainment business. God help anyone who ever watched this and thought to themselves “I’m gonna start a pop group!”.

Songs

  • It Depends On The Mood I’m In – JATH
  • Designing Woman- The Misfits
  • Time Is Running Out – JATH

Episode 11 – Last Resorts

episode11I was really excited by this title. It seemed like there would finally be some showdown with Rio/Jem/Jerrica or some other sort of high emotion episode, but as soon as I saw the opening shot I knew I was mistaken. It’s set at a ski resort, geddit? What a letdown – and it’s only the first few seconds.

Mr Franklin, the owner of the resort is in mortgage debt to his bank. He’ll lose his lodge and his mountain. Business has been bad since a new resort has opened below his, and there have been some suspicious breakdowns of Mr Franklin’s equipment.

episode11_3JATH run into The Misfits and Clash out on the slopes and engage in a ski/snowmobile chase. Jem corners Pizzazz but then she does nothing except let Pizzazz and then the rest of the Misfits pelt her with snowballs.

A handsome Nordic ski guy, Svensen (or Swensen maybe, the pronunciation is all over the place) comes to save Jem. Unfortunately at this point, Rio also turns up and acts like a jealous dick. Jem says “I thought it was Jerrica you cared about”; Svensen says ” No Leo, you can’t have two girlfriends, and me with none!” So true, both you guys. Svensen swans off, skiing backwards like a smug show off.

episode11_2Jem offers to put on a free concert for the guests who are unhappy at the resort. That’s when they find out that Eric Raymond is the owner of the other resort (betcha didn’t see that coming!). The bank manager and Eric are together trying to plan the downfall of Mr Franklin’s resort. Once they learn that JATH are playing a concert there to bring in more customers, the bank manager puts a plan into action to sabotage it – by fiddling with the ski lift mechanisms.

The next day JATH are on the ski lift when a wheel breaks off and Jem is left hanging onto Shana’s ski pole. Rio goes to try to save Jem, by shimmying along the wire – really not the brightest idea, considering it’s barely holding anyway. Svensen skis off, leaving Rio fuming. Svensen returns with a helicopter, saving Jem, the other girls, and Rio. Rio doesn’t seem all that grateful about it though.

episode11_5

Yep, also don’t know what’s going on with Shana’s lack of a mouth here

JATH and Mr Franklin go to confront Eric. To his credit, even Eric actually seems to think that trying to kill JATH was a step too far. Eric suggests a ski race between JATH and The Misfits. Uhhh… what? Who would agree to such an idiotic proposal? Svensen says he’ll train the girls. Ahhhh now I know why they all want to do it – it’s so we the viewers can be treated to a cheesy 80’s montage workout video!!

Eric and The Misfits have people around the course to help The Misfits cheat their way to winning – Jem goes the wrong way and skis to a dead end, Shana ends up on a piece of ice heading to a waterfall, Kimber is trapped in a hole in the ground – only Aja escapes, though without her skis. Clash bashes her wrist cymbals, setting off an avalanche.

episode11_6When JATH fail to cross the finish line, Rio and Svensen go to investigate. They find Kimber, Aja and Shana but not Jem. Jem has found herself in a cave with a bear. Rio hears Jem screaming beneath the snow and begins to dig her out. Unfortunately though, Synergy isn’t able to help Jem because one earring falls on the ground and the bear is blocked Synergy’s transmission. Yes really. Oooh continuity blooper for nitpickers – after one of the earrings falls of Jem’s ear you clearly see her still wearing two.

Jem is changed back to Jerrica because of the faulty earring and Rio sees a glimpse of Jerrica and is understandably puzzled – like we are all the time by this plot device. Jerrica manages to crawl underneath the bears legs and grab her earring and finally Synergy is able to project a scary hologram onto Rio and scare the bear away.

episode11_7While they are in the cave, they notice that a wall is sparkling and find out the mountain is stuffed with silver. So not only does Mr Franklin get Eric Raymond’s resort, he’s also going to be a jazillionaire. As Kimber would put it – Outrageous!

 

 

 

Songs

  • You Gotta Be Fast – The Misfits
  • It’s Workin’ Out/It’s Doin’ Me In – Jem and The Holograms & The Misfits
  • Love Is Here – Jem and the Holograms

Episode 10 – Adventure in China

episode10_3OMFG YES!! After the last episode, full of Texan stereotypes, now we go to China! Who is up for a drinking game for every Chinese stereotype? I’ll simply mark them as (D) as we go along.

JATH are flying to China, having been personally invited to perform a concert on the Great Wall (D). The Misfits are also going there, as Eric has managed to get them a tour over there instead of a concert, which they’re pissed about. I thought bands made the bulk of their money from touring, shouldn’t that be a good thing? Ha and they’re also welcomed with a sign saying “Misfats” – oh hohoho, those Chinese and their mispronunciation problems (D)! As if many Westerners were able to speak more than three words of Mandarin or Cantonese, if that (FYI, I know “xie xie ni”, which I learnt from Rush Hour).

Jem runs into problems when she’s asked to take off her Synergy earrings to go through a metal detector at the airport and says she can’t. Everything is starting to get a bit tense until an official comes in and says she can go through with them. But Eric and the Misfits have noticed and start wondering what could be up with those earrings.

episode10Later on, JATH are relaxing in a mineral spa before their concert, when Jem comes in and takes them off to go bathing. She doesn’t transform into Jerrica when she takes them off, so why didn’t she want to at the airport? Oh well, whatever. Roxy comes along and steals them while Jem isn’t looking.

With Jem now ‘missing’, JATH are forced to step down from performing, so the Misfits offer to perform instead. There’s a bit where the official says “Well since Jem and the Holograms lack a sense of obligation…” Have to admit, I’m pretty surprised he didn’t use the word “honour” actually.

episode10_2As they watch The Misfits performing, JATH notice that they’re all wearing earrings that look like Jerrica’s Synergy earrings and figure out that one of them must be wearing the real pair. When JATH go to confront The Misfits, Pizzazz throws her earrings to Roxy and Roxy and Stormer jump in a rickshaw (D) and a rickshaw chase follows, complete with a Misfits music video featuring Chinese acrobats (D).

JATH chase the Misfits in a cable car, and Roxy (it’s always her) fiddles with the controls of the cable car to scare Jerrica and the girls. Somehow Jerrica has found the time to change outfits in all this – does she even need Synergy? By the way, I love Jerrica’s outfit here, so preppy and cute!

JATH chase The Misfits through a practising martial arts class (D), destroy an ancient religious statue in the process (luckily, no one is around to see it) and then onto a train. The Misfits throw each of the pairs of earrings through the windows of the train. Interestingly, The Misfits also have several costume changes during this chase.

episode10_5One pair of earrings land on some excavation site, and are taken to a museum, another changes hands several times and are picked up by a manufacturer, who copies the design and mass produces them (D), and one pair is picked up by a garbage collector who brings them home to his daughter.

Aja can apparently read and understand some Chinese. I wonder if she’s actually Asian, it’s never really clear. Anyway she picks up a magazine to practise and sees a picture of a pair. The girls head to the factory and get the original pair that was thrown through the window. But they’re copies and not actually Synergy.

episode10_7Next they decide to visit a museum and see another pair that was found on the excavation. Of all the bright ideas, they decide to just try and steal them out of the museum. OMG, so idiotic. But then what’s even more idiotic is when they go to see the curator, who examines them more closely and realizes, oh no, they’re just a cheap pair of earrings that are not actually from the Ming Dynasty (D). Quelle shocker!

They’re not the real earrings either and JATH realize they have to back out of the concert. Nearby the concert, there’s some fight going on with some kids. The little girl who received the earrings from her father is being bullied by a gang of other kids telling her to hand them over. Jerrica goes to talk to her and the girl, Lin, shows her her earrings, which she says are ‘good luck’ charms. Jerrica tells her that Jem has had some bad luck, and Lin gives her her good luck charms.

episode10_8Jerrica is just about the call off the concert, when Synergy makes contact, and transforms Jerrica into Jem, and JATH play the concerts and stick it to the Misfits.

Thoughts overall on this episode are, although there were quite a lot of stereotypes packed in, I suppose it could have been a hell of a lot worse, i.e. everyone wearing those cone-shaped hats, everyone knows martial arts, mystical happenings, etc.

Plus, I look forward to having a similar drinking game when JATH visit another country!

Songs in Episode 10:

  • You Can’t Catch Me – The Misfits
  • Something Is Missing In My Life – Jem and The Holograms
  • Love Unites Us – Jem and The Holograms

Read the next episode summary Last Resorts!

Episode 9 – The World Hunger Shindig

 

"Sean Harrison, the English teen idol - ain't he cute?"

“Sean Harrison, the English teen idol – ain’t he cute?” “Woo-ee”

Finally, an episode where I don’t have to re-cap from a cliffhanger ending! The writers must have been getting as bored with that as I have.

So this time we’re in Houston, Texas, where everyone has stereotypical, cowboy, Texas accents. Even the helicopter pilot who is flying JATH to Houston says ‘Wooo-ee’ (maybe that’s like saying “yee-haw” when you’re piloting a plane or helicopter instead of riding a horse?). Oh and the whoops and cheers of the Texan party goers have been ‘Texafied’ just in case you were in any doubt of where it’s set.

A ‘World Hunger Shindig’ to raise $8 million dollars in a week is being organized in the Astrodome stadium in Houston and this is the launch party thrown by Miss Sally on her ranch. Also at this thing is Sean Harrison, some kind of English teen idol singer. They have Texan accents down on this show (I mean, I think so anyway, but I’m neither from Texas nor have visited Texas) but UK accents really trip them up.

Last episode it seemed like Kimber had got together with Jeff, the stunt guy on the movie. But we all know from Jem/Jerrica/Rio that characters on this show are very fickle when it comes to relationships. So Kimber has forgotten all about Jeff already and is all about Sean.

episode9_misfits&eric_2The Misfits turn up uninvited with Eric, and offer to play the gig as well. They’re completely clueless that as it’s for charity, they should be playing for free. Stormer questions what he’s getting out of the deal and he’s really touchy about it, yelling: “NOTHING! Nothing but contacts and for publicity for you ingrates”. Eric’s chief hired thug Zipper is around too. But now instead of being a ginger, he’s dyed his hair black. As usual, Eric asks him to sabotage JATH. I don’t know why Zipper even has to ask at this point why he’s there.

Jerrica wants to spend time with Rio, but he’s clearly so over her and wants to hang out with Jem instead.

episode9_flashfloodThe girls all go out with Sean and C.B. Dodd, a Texan oil billionaire, riding horses and going swimming. Sean and C.B. Dodd have to leave to sort something out (this must have seemed soooo fancy in the 80’s, cos the Texan billionaire has a huge mobile phone!) and leaves the girls alone. Zipper and his mate ambush the girls and force them to go into the ravine. Jerrica is able to get Synergy to help them out of their fix, by projecting storm clouds and a flash flood. Excellent! At last there’s a moment where Rio or some other dude doesn’t come in to rescue them.

After they’ve escaped from Zipper the girls go on a hayride where Kimber is waiting for Sean to show up. Sean is with The Misfits and they take him to a bar where they say Kimber is waiting for him. It seems that Pizzazz and him had some kind of fling about a year ago, but he’s now a changed man, and has a new mellower personality that Pizzazz finds “sickening”. They leave the bar and as Pizzazz is laying into Sean about his attitude, she almost crashes into the hayride with Jerrica and the girls.

Once they realise there are no fatalities, The Misfits see the funnier side of the near crash. Kimber is devastated that Sean could be hanging out with anyone other than her – even though she’s got her own boyfriend anyway.

episode9_zipper_counterfeitticketsOn the day of the concert all sorts of things are happening: Zipper sells counterfeit tickets so Eric can pocket the cash; Sean explains to Kimber that he was tricked by Pizzazz; and Jem, Ajah and Shana are shown to their ‘dressing room’ which is instead a prison cell (complete with sliding eye window for the jailer to see if the girls are still in the room).

They use Synergy to make it appear as if they’re still there and sneak through the air con vents. While they do that, they hear Eric talking with Zipper, and see Eric place the money that he’s made from counterfeit tickets in the air con vent. Eric leaves the room, and Zipper sneaks back in, intent on stealing the money from the air con vent. Synergy projects a cobra sitting on top of the briefcase to scare him away and the girls get out.

episode9_concertstageJATH take the money, and are chased by Zipper to a ledge high above the concert stage just as they’re due to be on stage anyway – they abseil down using a net full of balloons just in time to prevent the nasty Misfits from getting on the stage.

Seriously, after the snooze-fest of endless cliff-hangars, I think this was the best Jem episode I’ve reviewed so far. Check out the next episode coming up, Adventure in China!

Songs in Episode 9:

  • We can make a difference – JATH
  • Gimme, Gimme, Gimme – The Misfits
  • Share a little bit of yourself – JATH

Episode 8 – Starbright Part 3: Rising Star

 

episode8_jeff_kimberLast episode, Roxy tried to seriously maim Kimber by setting off a pyrotechnic display while she was filming a scene. Jeff, the stunt guy, races in to rescue her. This is sort of setting a worrying trend in the Jem series. Even though there are so many female characters with their own identities, if ever one of them is in mortal danger, it takes a man to come in and rescue them. It’s only Episode 8 though, so hopefully that’ll change later on. My memory is quite patchy, but I think there are some later episodes where Jem and the Holograms help out The Misfits.

Jem tries to get Roxy to admit to screwing with the pyrotechnics, but of course Roxy is not going to admit to attempted endangerment of life, or whatever the charge would be. So Jem quits, and everyone else quits too. Except for this gossipy make up lady who insists everyone is making a big mistake.

But now they don’t have money for Ba-Nee’s eye operation. Well, we all know how big-hearted movie studios can be, so they offer to work for free just to pull off the Jem movie.

Clash goes to find her cousin Video to find out about the movie Jem is now making. Clash actually seems quite pleased to report back Video’s message to The Misfits that “Jem and the Holograms are going to make you look like the phony trash you are”.

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The new and improved (but still annoying as hell) Clash

The Misfits then get the gossipy make up lady to make over Clash to look completely different, so that she’ll be able to cause trouble on the set of the Jem movie. She manages to just waltz in by using the excuse that she’s a “friend of a friend of Jem’s”. If only that worked, then I’d probably just wander over to the next movie Chris Pine shoots. Meanwhile, on the shooting of their own movie, things are going predictably badly for the Misfits. Nick Mann quits, followed by gossipy make up lady, the costume designer and the set dresser.

episode8_clashGossipy make up lady goes to see Jem and admits she listened to horrid gossip from Pizzazz instead of making her owns judgments. While she’s there, she sees Clash, who has been secretly stealing things from the set. Jem and the Holograms chase Clash and the car full of stolen stuff in the roadster and use Synergy to create the illusion of a fallen tree in the road to make Clash stop.

As Jem is no longer of the set of Eric’s movie, they can now go public about the accident that occurred on set. Safety officials visit the set of the Misfits movie and shut down production. Pizzazz’s dad goes berserk at the amount of money lost and puts Howard Sands back in charge of the studio. Ok, now all that needs to happen so that everything is right in the world is Ba-Nee’s eye operation has to be successful, Nick Mann needs to get his comeuppance, the Jem movie has to be successful, and the Misfits movie has to fail miserably. Hmm, does everything go smoothly? Also, do bears shit in the wood and is the Pope catholic?

Songs:

  • People Who Care – Jem and the Holograms
  • Welcome to the Jungle (sadly not a G ‘n R cover, that could have been amazing!) The Misfits

Read the next episode summary The World Hunger Shindig!

Episode 7 – Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars

 

jerrica_joanie_holograms_starbrightpart2

Jerrica, Joanie and the girls at Starlight Music

I really look forward to when I can write a post that doesn’t recap from a cliffhanger last episode.

Jerrica/Jem finally lost her shit with Eric Raymond and the Misfits on the set of the movie – which was probably likely to be Truly Shite instead of Truly Outrageous. I mean has a movie featuring a band as themselves ever been good? Yes, you know I’m thinking of Spiceworld: The Movie. Which ok, no, I didn’t actually see, but 20 seconds of it convinced me I didn’t need to put myself through the whole thing.

But then Jerrica found out that Ba-Nee, one of the Starlight House foster girls, needed an eye operation because at the rate she is going, she’ll be blind. Luckily there’s a highly experimental laser surgery option – costing $250,000.

jerrica_eric_starbrightpart2

“Jerrica, I want at least 2 grams of coke this time. Also, I want that hooker’s body cleared out of my room ASAP. K thanks.”

The girls remember that they have Starlight Music but when they visit the building, everything has been stripped out by debt collectors. Joanie, the one member of staff left, has a really weird accent that I’m thinking is supposed to be Irish, but doesn’t quite come off as authentic.

Let’s pause for a second. Even though Jerrica actually owned half of Starlight Music in the first place, she seemed content to let Eric do whatever he pleased with it while she dressed up in costumes and had band practice and whatever else; and even though she hates Eric Raymond and doesn’t trust him at all, she didn’t monitor what he was doing, when actually, she should have been all over that.

Jerrica realizes that she has to go grovelling back to Eric to finish the movie in order to raise the money needed. But Eric throws in a sneaky catch that forces Jerrica to also act as his assistant, so we know we are going to be truly outrageously entertained seeing how Jerrica can act as Jem in the movie and also be herself and get Eric coffee, or pills, or whatever silly demands he makes.

jem_fall_starbrightpart2Eric tells Jem she has to pay for her own stunt double, so she decides to do the stunts herself. When she’s running across some log that’s supposed to be stretched over a ravine, it breaks in half. Yes, breaks in half. The movie set is that that fragile. Rio swings in on some fake vines to save the day, and when Jem comments he’s a “real-life swashbuckler” he says “only for you, Jem”. I threw up a little in my mouth while watching this.

Video was recording the near-accident the whole time and Clash and the Misfits realize that the movie could be in big trouble. You have to hand it to Jem though, she wants the movie to go ahead so she can get the money for Ba-Nee.

videovivianmontgomery_starbrightpart2Meanwhile, Kimber wakes up to the fact that Nick Mann is a complete douche. She has to film a motorbike scene with him and sees him be super rude to an impressionable, young teenage fan. So instead she goes to flirt with Jeff Wright, the stunt guy. Roxy also likes the stunt guy so to pay him back for ignoring her in favour of Kimber, she messes with the pyrotechnics display as Kimber is filming, which is borderline psychotic. Kimber screams at Nick to help her, but in true douche fashion he runs off to save himself. Cliffhanger time!

Read the next episode summary Starbright Part 3: Rising Star!