Episode 16 – Broadway Magic

 

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_2Ah this episode takes me back! This was one of the episodes I had on VHS as a kid. I pretty much know the storyline backwards I watched it so many times, but I still wanted to watch it again (though it was not as good as the other episode I had, Britrock).

Bob Merrit is a Broadway producer whose career is at death’s door. He needs a Broadway hit if he is to survive. His eureka moment? The revelation that a Broadway hit needs music – good music! Mind. Blown. So all he needs now is a popular rock music group who can write, sing and perform and apparently have nothing to do.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_7Both The Misfits and Jem and The Holograms find out about this at the same time, and both decide they should be in it. The Misfits also get back to the topic of who Jem is, where she came from, why no one knows her real name. Eric Raymond comes up with an idea to sabotage Jem – offer $100,000 to whoever can find out her real identity.

This creates a press furore and the paparazzi stalk Jem and The Holograms everywhere, plus all kinds of crazies get all up in Jem’s business, trying to get her to reveal her real name.

Both Jem and The Holograms and The Misfits get to tryout for Bob. For some reason, we see Jem and The Holograms and Rio arriving in New York via helicopter, but no Jerrica. Then Jerrica and Rio, and The Holograms rush to the theatre, complaining about being held up in the airport (I’m such a nitpicky biatch, I know). Eric points out to Jerrica that their lead singer is missing so Jerrica goes to ‘find’ her. And no one, including Rio finds it remotely odd that Jem arrived separately and is just be lurking around the theatre somewhere.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_3Roxy tries to mess with the sound booth so that Merrit won’t be able to hear Jem singing, but she screws it up, and sets alarms blaring. She almost manages to catch Jerrica changing into Jem, but turns away at the last second. And then she blames the whole sound screw up on Jem.

After the auditions, Bob Merrit plans to announce the winner live on Lin-Z Pierce’s show. JATH are the winners, surprising exactly no-one. Pizzazz can’t take the humiliation of losing and having the Holograms celebrate in front of her on live national TV, so she simply walks over to the fire hose in the TV studio and starts hosing everyone. Pizzazz kind of reminds me of Grace Jones. I could see her trying that if she got irritated enough.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_4After getting soaked, Bob has a change of heart – sort of. The Misfits can be the understudies, so if anything were to happen to the real stars, they would go on instead. The Misfits seem ok about this, but to me that’s even worse. I mean would anyone have bought tickets to go see Bradley Cooper’s understudy in The Elephant Man? No you go and see the famous stars.

Jerrica and the Holograms ask Synergy for advice, who tells them that they need to keep her a secret because if her technology fell into the wrong hands it could be disastrous. Jerrica catches Rio in her room and assumes he’s spying on her, trying to find out about Jem. She angrily tells him to get out and then goes missing when she’s supposed to be at a rehearsal at the theatre. Real professional Jem.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_9Rio and the Holograms go to look for her in Central Park. It’s taken a long time but finally Rio knows something is up. He finds Jerrica in the park and comes right out and asks her if she and Jem are the same person. Synergy creates a hologram of Jem, who is then chased out of the park by crazies trying to find out her name. Rio apologises to Jerrica, saying he was wrong. I almost feel sorry for him… but then I remember he is a hypocrite who hates liars but knows he’s cheating.

The next bit makes no sense whatsoever. The Misfits brainstorm over how they can ensure that the Holograms don’t show up for the performance. Pizzazz gets Stormer to type a letter from Rio to Jem, asking Jem to meet him in the crown of the Statue of Liberty. Jem goes to meet Rio, and Pizzazz locks her in the crown room and takes the last boat back to Manhattan.jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_10

Jem is now trapped in the Statue of Liberty’s crown. Her only hope is two construction workers still on the island. She throws down one of her earrings and tells Synergy she needs them to help her, so Synergy creates a hologram of jem asking the workers to help her and leads them into the statue. They recognise her, and one of them realises he can force her to tell them her name in exchange for their help.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_11When Jem hears this, she has an idea, and tells them if they take her to the mainland she’ll show them her other face. When they get to the boat (oh also, she doesn’t bother picking her earring up I noticed), the nasty construction worker pushes the other guy out of the boat, not wanting to share the reward money. He then takes Jem back to the mainland, where she shows him her other face… she gets Synergy to make her look and sound like him. He’s so shocked he backs away from her (himself) and falls into the water, where she throws him a swim ring and races to Broadway.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_13So as if that wasn’t ridiculous enough, we’ve got more: ‘Deep breath’… she manages to get a cab immediately – in New York, for god’s sake – and it just so happens to be the same cabbie that picked her up from the airport before. They get stuck because there’s some kind of Chinese New Year street parade going on, so Jem gets out and borrows some kid’s skateboard, promising him tickets to her new show. She then skateboards downs the steps into the subway, throwing her token at a subway worker, and then leaping from skateboard, over the subway barrier, and lands again on the skateboard, skating into the subway train. She’s chased out by crazies/fans, runs into a building having a hang glider convention on the top floor, steals someone’s hang glider (admitting to him that she has no idea how to fly a hang glider) and finds her way to the theatre, landing on the roof. Synergy changes her costume for her and is ready to go on stage. Oh and all while wearing hot pink high heels.

jemandtheholograms_broadwaymagic_12I seriously love it when Jem is so balls to the wall out there like this, this is how it should be every week!

Songs

  • Who Is She, Anyway? – The Misfits
  • Can’t Get My Love Together – Jem and The Holograms
  • Broadway Magic – Jem and The Holograms

Episode 15 – The Rock Fashion Book

jemandtheholograms_episode15_4Jem and The Holograms are approached by a publishing house who have the idea to create a Rock Fashion Book. I originally thought that maybe Chrissy Marx was inspired by 80’s music artists who also brought out books (i.e. Sex by Madonna; 21 Nights by Prince) until I saw that both of those had been published years after this episode was aired. I can’t think of any other books by artists in the 80’s. Possibly there were others, but maybe Marx was ahead of the curve. Anyway, JATH will be wearing Shana’s designs in the book. There’s a tired bit where Jerrica has to go and ‘find’ Jem to talk to the publisher, and one minute later Jem then has to ‘find’ Jerrica again.

'Clash' Montgomery - true 'Ride or Die' Bitch

Pizzazz with ‘Clash’ Montgomery – a true ‘Ride or Die’ Bitch

The Misfits get word of this book happening and they are not happy. They get their faithful homegirl Clash to go and spy on Jem, and if necessary, create havoc.

The fashion shoot is taking place at someplace like SeaWorld with dolphins and killer whales. Remember in the 80’s when some of us thought SeaWorld was way cool, and not really a torture facility for highly emotionally intelligent creatures? That thought made me die a little inside. There’s a particularly lame joke from Shana after Jem says “Steady holograms, remember these are Killer Whales” – “That’s ok we’re wearing ‘killer’ outfits!”….. Heh.

jemandthehologramsepisode15_2Things are getting a little bit tense within JATH, because a little bit of elbow shoving by Kimber to get to feed the dolphins ends with all four girls slipping off the platform into the water. Jem’s earrings can’t cope with water, and she is changed back into Jerrica. Readers, what would you think would be the most important concern at this particular junction in your life? Would it be: A) getting ripped to shreds by a killer whale; B) drowning to death or C) keeping up the illusion of Jem being a totally different person from Jerrica Benton? I’ll give you one guess as to which Jerrica chooses.

Rio and the photographer go in to to rescue Aja, Shana and Kimber but can’t find Jem, because she’s trying to hide from Rio, and the killer whale. The dolphins are let out to find Jem, and they scoop Jerrica up at the last second and bring her to the surface… just in time for Synergy to transform her back into Jem. Everytime Jem has a near-death experience, she drapes herself all over Rio, trying to get herself some. What is it about near-death experiences that makes people in pop-culture so thirsty?

Work it, gurls.

Work it, gurls.

The Misfits meanwhile, are trying to get their own fashion book produced. Except Pizzazz is a biatch who can’t take direction, so she fires the photographer. Afterwards she gets Roxy and Stormer to take photos even though they can probably only just find the big button on the camera. No publishing houses want to take their amateur stuff so it’s on to plan B – getting Clash to wreck the Jem photo shoot.

JATH go to shoot pictures on top of some scaffolding construction in front of the Washington Monument. Clash is lurking around and a security guard in his golf buggy spots her. In his rush to chase her down, he somehow manages to flip the cart over and bang into the scaffolding, which collapses and almost crushes the photographer. After this near disaster, the girls are all suspicious, like “hmmm that’s strange, it’s almost like The Misfits could be behind this.” Huh, ya think Jem? Although to be fair, the first accident had nothing to do with the Misfits and was instead caused by Kimber being a pushy brat.

Bat attack!

Bat attack!

The next shoot is in the Grand Canyons, with Jem and the girls being shot (artistically speaking) from a helicopter. Pizzazz, Roxy and Stormer also make their way there, and position themselves on a ledge under where Jem and the Holograms are shooting. They notice that there appears to be a hollow cave/secret passageway that leads up to where JATH are, and this cave is filled with bats. Pizzazz, Roxy and Stormer disturb the bats and shoo them towards Jem and the Holograms.

Jem and the girls freak the fuck out over this bat situation and start backing towards the edge of the cliff. I know not everyone considers bats cute, but in a game of ‘Which Would You Rather?’, bats beat falling over the edge of a cliff, personally speaking. Rio and the photographers are up above in a helicopter and rescue everyone in time before the cliff collapses.

Under the Misfits control, the new and improved production values of the Jem Fashion Book.

Under the Misfits control, the new and improved production values of the Jem Fashion Book.

After that goes wrong, Pizzazz goes to her father to demand he buy the rights to the Jem and the Hologram fashion book. This way, Pizzazz is able to bark orders at Jem, make sure the pictures are awful, be an ass to everyone, etc. and Jem just has to go along with it because she’s under contract. it occurs to me that Jerrica really is a shitty negotiator. This has happened once before in the Jem Movie episode. You’d think she’d add a clause in that says Jem can get out of it if the rights are transferred to someone else. Didn’t her dad (or that movie experience) teach her anything?

While they are moping about their bad luck, the photographer comes over and he’s in a pretty happy mood about some of the film taken from the Grand Canyon, which clearly shows The Misfits there. Rio, Jem and the Holograms help the photographer to develop the pictures and give them to Pizzazz to take back to her father. The Misfits then realise that they’re going to have to own up to the fact that they attempted to sabotage the photo shoots. Pizzazz tries to plead her way out of it, but her dad is pretty pissed that he’s going to lose money again (just like on the Jem movie).

The original publisher buys back the rights at a reduced price, Jem and The Holograms fashion book is a success, no one learns any lessons to proceed into the future with at all, and Jem continues!

Songs

  • Come On In The Water’s Fine – Jem and The Holograms
  • We’re Off And Running – The Misfits
  • We Can Change It – Jem and The Holograms